When your first instinct is to pull away...
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Hi friend, If you’ve ever found yourself shutting down or pulling away when things get uncomfortable in a relationship, you’re not alone. That instinct to retreat can be part of an avoidant attachment pattern, a learned way of protecting yourself when connection feels risky. But here’s an important reframe: Managing avoidant attachment doesn’t mean you’ll never pull away again. It’s not about perfection. It’s about awareness. The real growth happens in that small space between impulse and action. When you notice yourself starting to withdraw, pause and ask: 💭 Do I really need to run from danger right now? 💭 Or can I handle a little bit of discomfort today? That pause is power. It’s what allows you to choose connection instead of autopilot self-protection. Even if you still need to take a step back sometimes, doing it consciously is a big win. You’re not broken for needing space. You’re learning how to balance safety with closeness. That’s what healing looks like. Keep slowing down, keep choosing awareness, Jose 💛
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Coaching with Jose
Hi friend, Once I set a boundary with a friend, and they were disappointed. Their reaction wasn’t dramatic, but mine was! I felt like I did something wrong. I wanted to fix it, or take it back, or smooth it over before they even got a word in. The thing I had to realize was… they still respected my boundaries. I was the one struggling with their emotions. I’ve had to learn to sit with this kind of tension, and I wanted to share this because I think a lot of you are also learning this lesson...
Hi friend, If there’s one thing we can always count on, it’s change. It’s the one constant we all share. Yet, it’s the thing we often resist the most. And honestly? That resistance is exhausting. 😩 But here’s the truth: change is going to show up whether we invite it or not. So instead of bracing against it, what if this week you met change head-on? Think about everything you’ve already navigated. You've probably endured new jobs, moves, shifting friendships, relationships beginning and...
Hi friend, I don’t know about you, but I grew up believing that being an “understanding” person meant keeping my own feelings quiet so everyone else could stay comfortable. 🙊 Sound familiar? The thing is… feelings don’t disappear. They build. They bubble. And eventually, they spill over—usually in ways we don’t feel proud of. 🌋 Here’s the reframe I want to offer you this week: Naming your feelings isn’t selfish. It’s caring. It’s caring for you—your nervous system, your needs, your...