Hi friend, Here’s a hard truth for your Monday: Some of you aren’t taking space, you’re avoiding. It’s not dramatic. You may not even notice it. It happens in phrases like, “I’ll respond later” “I just need more time” “I don’t feel ready yet” So you wait to deal with the situation. You scroll. You ruminate on it. You almost reach out…but then you don’t, because there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to deal with the discomfort of what comes next. But taking space from a situation is meant to...
10 days ago • 1 min read
Hi friend, Here’s a hard truth for your Monday: Some of you aren’t taking space, you’re avoiding. It’s not dramatic. You may not even notice it. It happens in phrases like, “I’ll respond later” “I just need more time” “I don’t feel ready yet” So you wait to deal with the situation. You scroll. You ruminate on it. You almost reach out…but then you don’t, because there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to deal with the discomfort of what comes next. But taking space from a situation is meant to...
17 days ago • 1 min read
Hi friend, If you could erase all the discomfort you’re feeling RIGHT NOW with a single text message, why wouldn’t you? Keep reading! I’ll tell you! It’s such a normal human experience to avoid pain, but we’ve all felt it; we’ve felt it after standing up to someone and telling them firmly where we stand. We've felt pain and discomfort because what we said and how we feel could change things. Because we start to second-guess. Because our brains hate the uncertainty. And because our bodies just...
24 days ago • 1 min read
Hi friend, You can say the thing. You can be clear, honest, direct. That’s not where you'll break down. You break down in the seconds after, when your body starts reacting and everything suddenly feels off. Your chest tightens, your stomach drops, your mind starts scanning for what went wrong. And without really noticing it, you begin to adjust. You soften your words, you over-explain, you backtrack, you try to smooth it over. But at that point, you’re not responding to them anymore, you’re...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Hi friend, Stop saying “whatever you want.” Not because it’s wrong—but because most of the time it’s not actually true. I want to talk about something small that’s actually not small at all. When someone asks you what you want—where to eat, what to do, what sounds good—there’s this split-second moment where everything speeds up. And instead of checking in with yourself, you go with what feels easiest. You keep things smooth. You avoid taking up space. You say, “I’m good with anything.” And...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Hi friend, I know. We talk about the pause a lot. And I'm going to keep talking about it! Because every time I come back to it, there's a new layer worth exploring. I've written to you before about noticing the stories your brain tells you in charged moments. Now, let's go a step further with this question: What do you actually do once you notice it? Because here's the thing. There are these small moments — easy to miss — where everything could go one of a few ways. A look. A tone. A subtle...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Hi friend,I’ve been thinking about how often people judge their first reaction to something. For example, if you notice a shift in someone's tone, you might decide that their message feels a little off, and then your brain immediately starts trying to figure out what that means. A lot of people assume this kind of quick reaction is a flaw, but for many of us, reacting quickly was a skill we had to develop. We had to read the room; we had to notice tone shifts and try to understand what...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
Hi friend,In the past, I've been asked about why race needs to be named when we talk about leadership. Historically, for many white politicians, race hasn’t had to be named. Whiteness functioned as the default in positions of power for generations. When something is the default, it gets treated as neutral. But that neutrality was built through exclusion. For many Black and Latin leaders, race shapes who gets visibility, who gets legitimacy, and who is recognized as authority. Naming that...
2 months ago • 1 min read
Hi friend, You know, narratives are commonly shaped through our daily interactions. What gets named consistently becomes normal. What is normal starts to feel central, and what feels central shapes our sense of belonging. If blackness or any other part of your heritage has been pushed to the margins, this won't change unless you practice it. Here are some examples: You can interrupt distancing language. Instead of brushing off comments that keep your sense of identity small, bring it back to...
2 months ago • 1 min read