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Coaching with Jose

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Your first reaction isn't a problem

Hi friend,I’ve been thinking about how often people judge their first reaction to something. For example, if you notice a shift in someone's tone, you might decide that their message feels a little off, and then your brain immediately starts trying to figure out what that means. A lot of people assume this kind of quick reaction is a flaw, but for many of us, reacting quickly was a skill we had to develop. We had to read the room; we had to notice tone shifts and try to understand what...

Hi friend,In the past, I've been asked about why race needs to be named when we talk about leadership. Historically, for many white politicians, race hasn’t had to be named. Whiteness functioned as the default in positions of power for generations. When something is the default, it gets treated as neutral. But that neutrality was built through exclusion. For many Black and Latin leaders, race shapes who gets visibility, who gets legitimacy, and who is recognized as authority. Naming that...

Hi friend, You know, narratives are commonly shaped through our daily interactions. What gets named consistently becomes normal. What is normal starts to feel central, and what feels central shapes our sense of belonging. If blackness or any other part of your heritage has been pushed to the margins, this won't change unless you practice it. Here are some examples: You can interrupt distancing language. Instead of brushing off comments that keep your sense of identity small, bring it back to...

Hi friend, I’ve been talking a lot about awareness lately, and I want to expand on something that doesn’t get named enough. Awareness doesn’t just bring clarity. Sometimes it brings emotion. The more aware you are, the more you can see your own patterns: How you adapted What you absorbed Who you learned to be in order to stay safe or belong. Noticing these things can stir up a lot. I’ve seen it in myself and in the people I work with: anger, sadness, defensiveness, and even grief. Grief isn’t...

Hi friend, When colorism is learned early, it doesn’t just live in our thoughts, it lives in our bodies. It shows up in how we react, how we manage ourselves, and how we adjust in real time. This week, we explored how lighter skin has often been treated as “good,” how darkness has been something to navigate or manage, and how those early messages continue to shape our sense of safety today. Undoing colorism doesn’t start with saying the perfect thing. It starts with building capacity:...

Hi friend, Hi friends, There’s a lot happening right now. And when things feel heavy, many of us default to showing what looks regulated, productive, or “together.” But that’s not always what’s real. What’s real is capacity. And capacity changes. Sometimes engagement looks like movement, showing up, speaking, and doing. Other times, it looks like stillness, rest, or letting yourself be exactly where you are without forcing forward motion. Both of these options can be honest. There’s a quiet...

Hi friend, When hesitation to reach out or connect shows up, most people mislabel it. They call it avoidance. They call it lack of desire. They tell themselves they’re just “bad at connection.” That label matters more than we realize, because the story you tell yourself determines what you do next. When you shame hesitation, you lose choice. You either force yourself forward, overriding your body, or you pull all the way back and disappear. But here’s what I see again and again in my work:...

Hi friend, This is the part people don’t usually warn you about. You can make the right choice and still feel activated afterward. Discomfort after a boundary, a decision, or a moment of honesty doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It means your nervous system is learning something new. Learning to sit with discomfort doesn’t happen on the first try. It happens through repetition. Through staying—again and again—even when your body wants to brace, explain, or rush away. In the video I'm...

Hi friend, Our collective nervous systems took another blow on January 7, when 37-year-old Renee Nicole Good—a mother, poet, and beloved neighbor in Minneapolis—was shot and killed by a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agent during a federal enforcement action. Her death has sparked grief, outrage, protests, vigils across the country, and a national conversation about force, fear, and who gets to live safely in this country. Whether you watched the footage, scrolled past it, or...

Hi friend, With the new year upon us, we're all thinking about what's new and fresh, what resolutions to make, and what to change. I personally don't think that big change comes from our big moments and decisions. Instead, it comes from small moments where we choose to do something a little different. With consistency, our bodies start to realize that we'll be OK even if something does change. We won't disappear. This is how things shift. And it can happen even before the mind catches up and...