Hi friend, Is your first reaction when someone tells you something, "Yeah. They're probably right." Do you go along with what other people say? For example, awhile ago, someone told me that I was too nice, and that I needed to work on that. My immediate reaction was, "Yeah. I know. That’s not good.” But then I thought about it for a second. I don't want to keep accepting other people's opinions before I've taken the time to figure out what I actually think. I don’t get to develop a very clear...
10 days ago • 1 min read
Hi friend, I’ve been talking a lot about disappointment lately. And I really want you to know that it’s not just something to get through. Disappointment can give us valuable information: It can tell us we expected too much in a certain situation, or it can tell us that something really mattered to us. But we won’t get the benefits of this information if we decide what we’re going to do with the disappointment before we even take the time to truly notice it. Let’s practice noticing together....
17 days ago • 1 min read
Hi friend, I've been focusing on giving myself a chance to feel before making a decision. Specifically, giving myself a chance to feel disappointed before deciding someone else needed to carry my own disappointment. I've noticed that I often skip over the feeling of disappointment. And when I do that, I instead start reaching for certainty. I deicde that, "They don't care." "They never think about me." "This relationship isn't important to them." It's possible that some of those things are...
24 days ago • 1 min read
Hi friend, This week, I want to encourage you to make a move. For us awkward folks, that can be hard. Too often, we want to feel certain about our next step before we take it. We want to have the right words completely formulated in our minds before we speak. We want to know the answer before we ask. We want to know how things will turn out before we decide. But most of the time, none of those things are realistic. We have to take the step first. We have to deal with the uncertainty. I want...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Hi friend, This week, I want to share a practice with you. You can use this anytime you find yourself jumping to conclusions about someone's intentions. In my video, I use the example of one partner brushing off the other. The brushed-off partner immediately jumps to a conclusion: "My partner is mad at me." This is an unhelpful pattern a lot of us fall into. It's a habit of filling in the blanks about someone else’s thoughts or intentions without checking the facts. We notice a behavior,...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Hi friend, Do you struggle to show the care you have for others? Maybe you assume people already know how much they mean to you, or you're waiting to find the perfect words. You could create moments of connection, but instead, they pass you by, and you tell yourself you'll say the important things later. Instead, let people experience more of what's already true. Try this: 1. Notice. When someone crosses your mind, pay attention to it. Maybe you remember a conversation you had with them....
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
Hi friend, One of the things I notice most in the people I work with is how often they say, "I don't know." Sure, sometime's that's true. But honestly, most of the time, it isn't. You probably say "I don't know," when you're actually waiting for someone to tell you it's okay, because you don't trust yourself enough to act without everyone else's approval. We spend so much time waiting for people to understand us before we let ourselves move forward. We want our family to get it. Our friends...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
Hi friend, One of the strange things about personal growth is that not everyone experiences your changes the way you do. You might feel like you’re becoming more honest, more direct, clearer about what you want, and more willing to say no when something doesn’t feel right. To you, this feels amazing! Like you're finally becoming more yourself. But the people around you may experience those same changes differently. They might see you as more difficult, more distant, or less easy-going than...
2 months ago • 1 min read
Hi friend, Did you know that most relationship problems don’t start with a huge conflict? They start with us feeling unseen when others take us at our word. Sometimes, like we talked about last week, people genuinely just get us wrong. But sometimes, we need to admit that it’s our own fault. I’ve been feeling misunderstood lately, and I think I do this because I’m afraid of disappointing someone creating tension taking up space wanting something different So, I’ve decided I need to be a...
2 months ago • 1 min read